I think I began this blog, or at least some form of it, over ten years ago. It’s a story that I plan to unwind here slowly over the coming months. It’s not a particularly spectacular story, but even every day stories told with truth can be interesting to somebody. The original title and concept was a little bit different from The Slow Search for Sweet Solid Ground, but we’ll get to that at a later date. For now, let me say a few words about the current title.
When I came up with that title I was in much the same boat as I am now. I was trying to write a book that was taking a long time and I was having a hard time pulling all my threads together. I am still trying to finish this book, and while I see an end in sight, I am having a difficult time getting there. At that time, as I was trying to find my way forward and through, I was keenly aware that the state of my mind did not seem good to me. I didn’t feel entirely well – not entirely happy – not entirely together. I still feel that way today.
When I came up with this title of a slow search, I was very pleased with it because I had been trying to encapsulate what seemed like a search for stability in the midst of uncertainty. I wanted to find something that captured the slowness – nothing symbolic with that one. I wanted to capture that I was searching for something good. I wasn’t just trying to get by. I believed that it was possible to get to a place where I would be able to say, “This is really good.” I still believe that. I’m still searching.
It felt honest and it felt hopeful. I liked that. I also liked the alliteration of sweet solid. It felt right. I felt like the possibility of what I was looking for was held within the words themselves.
I also feel as if the title hints at the faith that guides my search. I have a Christian faith, and yet, the very fact that my faith guides the search rather than being the destination itself, may tell you a little something about my faith. I hold my faith like a treasure that is still buried, waiting to be uncovered – waiting to be discovered – to be recovered. I have no doubts at all as to its beauty and its power, and yet I am grieved by the horror and the rot that so clearly festers in the world through actions done in the name of the one in whom I put my faith. Yes, I believe in Jesus and, yes, I am aware of the negative feelings that may stir up in so many people who have good reason to not believe and to not be convinced that there can be any good reason for such a faith at all. But still I search and this faith shines (for me at least) like a lantern in the fog.
So, as I’ve come back to this blog after about five years of silence, I want to try and unpack these things – the book I’m trying to finish, the state of my mind, my faith and some of the things that give me hope in this world. It feels as though I’ve been wandering in the wilderness a little bit – going in circles – and I want to chronicle what I hope will be, if not a straightening out, a purposeful circling that might actually end up somewhere.
This is my first post, if you don’t count my “About This” page. The plan is to write a post weekly and then to post a video ramble as well that touches on some of the same points. At first I tried to record the things I wrote but they just came across as a lecture or something – too dry. It’s not that I’m a dynamic speaker, but I realized that I was trying to write posts that sounded like I was speaking off the cuff and that just doesn’t work very well. But if I actually just speak from the heart in front of the camera, I just ramble. I have such a hard time staying on track and I feel like nobody wants to watch some guy ramble on for ten minutes.
So, I’m going to try and do both. It’s a work in progress. We’ll see how it goes. I’m going to hold it lightly. I’m going to say this again, but the whole point of this is to actually publish and to get things out there that people can read and watch. If I wait until I’ve figured out my “system” I’ll never publish and that is not okay anymore.
So here we go!
I think when I started this post I intended it to be my “About” page, but then I set it aside for a month and wrote a different “About” page. So, now that I’m back to this post I’m going to post this anyway. It’s not like I have a readership to kill, right? It’s all about posting. It’s all about getting out of my rut, right? Thank you for understanding.
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